Self-Realized Relating: A beautifully powerful path to enlightenment
There are many paths up the mountain and none so beautiful as the path of love. It's essential in the new paradigm of conscious living and relating. However, this path is littered with challenges that can hinder our progress. Think of it as the scenic route: it can be awe inspiring and heart opening, but also frustrating and painful with many chances to get lost. But it's exactly this combination that makes it one of the most powerful paths of self-realization out there!
Why choose this path?
Many fall from the conscious relating path. With promises of finding soul mates, deep intimacy, mind-blowing sex and experiencing that ever coveted unconditional love, it's no surprise that this is a hugely tempting path to take. However, what people often forget is that relating to others in a conscious way means opening yourself up to vulnerability. It means a near constant confrontation of your unconscious patterns, your trauma... your darkness. Self-realized relating means having the courage to look in the mirror and see EVERYTHING.
But it's this very thing that makes this path so beautiful and powerful at the same time.
It's powerful because you can't avoid the mirror. Self-realized relating gives us opportunities time and time again to take ownership of our darkness and work through it, thereby healing ourselves and seeing with new eyes. This makes it one of the most catalytic paths up the mountain. Make no mistake, those in this path will either continually find themselves with people who push their buttons until they heal enough to attract more aligned relationships, or they will give up and be content with where they're at. Some people might get on and off the path at different points - it's all good!
The point I'm making is that self-realized relating is not easy.
But it is hugely rewarding!
But it is hugely rewarding!
Self-realized relating is such a beautiful path to take, not despite of, but because of all the challenges on the way. Every time you work through something with another person, you both expand in ways that are unspeakably soul affirming. Have you ever spent a long period of time inside, and when you finally make it out everything suddenly seems so magnificent to your eyes; so alive? You take a slow and reliving breath because suddenly the world seems so much more colourful. This is what conscious relating feels like, but magnified a thousand times.
It's more than the rush of oxytocin at a lovers embrace, or the ecstasy of an orgasm. It's the sweet nectar of total connection. Connection with yourself and therefore with the whole universe. When this nectar is tasted, you simply have to look into the eyes of another and understand. Not necessarily with the mind, but with the heart and soul. You understand the perfect imperfection of life itself. This understanding morphs into a deep gratitude and a profound surrendering to the flow of life.
A dance of souls
When people relate to each other, it's interesting to observe what's going on underneath the words and the body language. At a soul level, these people are engaging in a dance. On one side there's an interplay of desires, conditioning and triggers, all sprouting from deep seated trauma and identification with that which makes us small. On the other hand there can also be a magical co-creation of complimentary energies, lifting us up and making us truly alive.
Self-realized relating has nothing to do with whether there are more of one or the other. It's all about being able to recognize the dance going on and then acting accordingly. It means not simply reacting from conditioned patterns of behaviour, but recognizing what the right action is according to what best serves you and those around you.
This can include:
- Recognizing that you've been triggered. Taking responsibility for that trigger, feeling it and asking what it is you're identifying with/attached to
- Noticing how the energy changes during the interaction. Are you being invited to express or the listen? To be active or passive?
- Noticing what soulful expression is arising, for example curiosity, passion or compassion. How do you best express these with the people around you
- Asking, "how can I honour my truth in this interaction while also respecting theirs?"
How to be more YOU
Ultimately, self-realized relating is about the exploration of how to be more YOU, without conditioning and judgment muddying the waters. Because when you overcome and breakthrough these things, using relating as a tool, there's nothing stopping you from being the multi-layered, empowered being that you were born to be.
Then, when you get the added component of other people's needs and triggers, it makes for a heck of an interesting ride! You'll be a full-spectrum being, able to be conscious both swimming in the mud AND flying in the clouds! What more powerful path to ascension could there be?!
Take the first step
The first and most crucial step to becoming a master of self-realized relating is to overcome emotional dependency on relationships. Take a look at the online home-study course, Overcoming Relationship Dependency to see how this can be achieved.